Special Delivery

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The delivery guy nervously tapped his pencil on the counter as I signed for the box he had brought. He continued tapping on the wall with the pencil in his right hand as he dragged his two-wheel cart down the hall back to the elevator.

I studied the cardboard box. It was about two feet by two feet by two feet in size, and had appeared to be quite heavy, by the way the delivery guy had strained to lift it up onto the counter. As I leaned over to read the return address label, I heard a muffled ticking sound coming from inside the box. An intermittent, rhythmic ticking sound. The return address read, “The Orpheum Theatre.”

It was then that I realized that the box had added a faint, slightly sweet fragrance to the air around it.

As my scissors slid through the clear packing tape that stretched across the center of the box’ top, the faint ticking sound suddenly grew into a loud tapping, accompanied by rhythmic pounding sounds. The fragrance, faint and sweet a second earlier, immediately became acrid, almost overpowering. As the room started to spin, I grabbed a roll of packing tape and frantically resealed the box.

What had they sent me?!! I turned the box around until I found the pink packing slip, folded in its own small, square, clear plastic envelope stuck to one side of the box. Ripping the envelope open, I unfolded the packing slip and found only two items listed:

1. ‘Da Noise
2. ‘Da Funk

It cost me $50 to ship it back to the sender.

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