Review: The 2007 Golden Globes

by ComputerBob

January 18, 2007

Last night, my wife watched the Golden Globe awards on TV. In between doing other things, I spent some time watching with her. There's no other profession in the world that spends even a tiny fraction of the time that entertainers spend publicly congratulating themselves on their work. And nearly every acceptance speech is some variation of "Thank you so much for feeding my bottomless narcissistic supply! Now I'd like to read every name in the credits of my latest project..." I think all entertainment awards shows would be much more interesting if they instituted two simple rules for the acceptance speeches:

You may not thank more than 3 people by name.
- If you want to thank more than 3 people by name, you must take out an ad in Variety, where all of your fellow narcissists will see it, but Mr. and Mrs. Couchpotato won't have to hear it.
- If you think you're so important that you can ignore this rule, then the show's producers will play "canned booing" sounds over you the whole time you're talking.
You must tell a short-but-interesting story about the thing for which you are receiving an award.
- If you fail to do so, a gossip columnist will be waiting off-stage to join you at the podium and tell a really embarrassing story about you.

For example, instead of hearing Meryl Streep read a long list of the names of showbiz people that I don't know, never will know, and don't care anything about, I'd rather hear her admit that the reason she was so intense in that one memorable scene is because she really, really, really had to go to the bathroom while they were filming it.

Even I would stay up late to see that.