Favorite Quotes

There's a thin line between being committed and being committed.
-- ComputerBob, 1992

Time flies like an eagle. Fruit flies like a banana.
-- Groucho Marx

Am I an idealistic pragmatist or a pragmatic idealist? I'd love to be the one, but I often find it necessary to be the other.
-- ComputerBob, 2008

You can either make decisions about your life, or decisions will be made for you.
-- ComputerBob, 2003

Good pancakes, Bob! You should be the boy what makes breakfast for people!
-- Jason Deverna, age 3, to ComputerBob

One of the most hurtful and insensitive things that one human being can say to another is 'Get over it.'
-- ComputerBob, 2002

It's expensive to be me.
-- Anna Nicole Smith

Nature abhors a vacuum, and only pretends to like other household appliances.
-- ComputerBob, 2002

It doesn't matter how much you know, unless you can effectively communicate it to others.
-- ComputerBob, 1998

Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain!
-- The Wizard of Oz

The only way to win an argument with a fool is to remain silent.
-- ComputerBob, 2006

On the twentieth anniversary of the Summer of Love, and Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band, the BBC produced a documentary about that era. Using the Beatles' song of that summer, All You Need is Love, as a starting point, the producers asked, "Is love all you need?" No, said radical leader Abbie Hoffman, we need justice. It's awareness we need, said poet Allen Ginsberg, because love arises from awareness. LSD guru Timothy Leary said we need much more than love - we need intelligence, precision and an absence of discrimination.

And then they asked the question of (former Beatle) George Harrison. He arched his eyebrow, calmly reached for the Bible on his end table and read this, from Apostle Paul's letter to the Corinthians: "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast. It is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking... It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

Then Harrison closed the Bible, looked in the camera and said, "We stand by our story."
-- From "Too Old To Die Young" by William McKeen, Sunday, June 11, 2006, St. Petersburg Times, Page 4P

The heart remembers what the mind forgets.
-- ComputerBob, 2002

Most people die at age 18, but we don't bury them until they're 65.
-- Benjamin Franklin

Shouldn't it be spelled F-O-N-I-X?
-- ComputerBob, 2001

Where the ENIAC is equipped with 18,000 vacuum tubes and weighs 30 tons, computers in the future may have only 1,000 vacuum tubes and weigh only 1.5 tons.
-- Popular Mechanics Magazine, 1949

If you find yourself in the middle of a chess game with an evil genius, sometimes the best move you can make is to tip over the table.
-- ComputerBob, 2004

You think dogs will not be in heaven? I tell you, they will be there long before any of us.
-- Robert Louis Stevenson

Lasagna is nature's perfect food. Unfortunately, it only rarely occurs in nature.
-- ComputerBob, 1980

I don't like Aunt Lu. Her voice goes boom, boom, boom.
-- ComputerBob's nephew, Matthew, Age 3

In old cowboy movies, the good guy always wore a white hat, but wearing a white cowboy hat doesn't make you a good guy — or a cowboy.
-- ComputerBob, January 25, 2008

You call someplace paradise, kiss it goodbye.
-- The Eagles, "The Last Resort"

Most people don't know how famous I am.
-- ComputerBob, 1984

It's a metaphor for life -- the fact that you can buy products to clean stainless steel.
-- ComputerBob, 2003

Many families and countries have their own coat of arms. But I wonder: How come nobody has their own pants of legs?
-- ComputerBob, 2006

The following sentence is true. The previous sentence is false.
-- Anonymous

If you want to see beautiful birds, put out a bird feeder. But don't start thinking that they're your birds. The truth is, if you stop filling the bird feeder, you'll never see them again.
-- ComputerBob, 2007

No matter what PC you buy; no matter how great it is; no matter how little you pay for it; in three months, you will wish you had waited.
-- ComputerBob, 1992

Two Rules For A Long and Happy Life:
1. Don't sweat the small stuff.
2. It's all small stuff.
-- Anonymous

On the Internet, socially awkward teenage boys are given the powers of gods.
-- ComputerBob, 2001

Consistency is the last resort of the unimaginative.
-- Oscar Wilde

You'll know you're getting old when a TV show talks about five different "Hollywood stars" and you've never heard of any of them. You'll know you're mature when you don't care.
-- ComputerBob, 2008

Why are so many car wrecks caused by reckless drivers?
-- ComputerBob, 2006

If you want to be accused of lying more often than a habitual liar, always tell the truth.
-- ComputerBob, 2007

Sister-in-law, Linda (starting a story): Hey, you know what's funny?
ComputerBob: Monkeys?
Linda: (slowly) Uh.... Yes.... AND... (she continues her story).
-- Conversation at the dinner table one night.

A smart person learns from their mistakes. A wise person learns from others' mistakes.
-- ComputerBob, 1997

Don't let a suitcase filled with cheese be your big fork and spoon.
-- Marie Barone, "Everybody Loves Raymond" TV Show

The entire 17 years that I lived in the Frostbite State, I felt like a lead guitar player in a polka band.
-- ComputerBob, 2003

The Georgia State Highway Patrol has a name forpeople who try to flee the police in high speed chases. We call them 'organ donors.'
-- A Police Chase TV Show

The agony of writing is erased by the joy of having written.
-- ComputerBob, 2001

Young Woman: If you don't mind me saying, you could use a little makeup on those crow's feet.
Older Woman: Those aren't crow's feet. They're laugh lines.
Young Woman: Honey... nuthin's THAT funny.
-- Little House On The Prairie TV Show

Don't it always seem to go, that you don't know what you've got till you have to drag it up three flights of stairs.
-- ComputerBob, 1993

That which doesn't kill me, makes me.... uh... bitter and resentful.
-- ComputerBob, 2003

There is no spoon.
-- A psychokinetic child in the motion picture, 'The Matrix.'

If you truly respect those who you love, then you also respect those who they love.
-- ComputerBob, 2004

Twelve-string guitarists spend half their time tuning and the other half playing out of tune.
-- Anonymous

It's better to leave when they wish you would stay than to stay when they wish you would leave.
-- ComputerBob, 1977

When I die, I want to go peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not yelling and screaming, like the passengers in his bus.
-- Anonymous

Today is a perfect day for choosing to be a new person; embracing wisdom and innner strength gained through experience, while leaving behind baggage that burdens the soul.
-- ComputerBob, 2006

Many people don't just have issues — they have lifetime subscriptions.
-- Bill Pocklington

Yes, cream always rises to the top. Unfortunately, so does slime.
-- ComputerBob, 2002

Precious and few are the moments we toucans share.
-- ComputerBob, 1972

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.
-- Ambrose Bierce

If you take the first line of The Simpsons theme song and turn the sheet music upside down, what you end up with is real close to the first line of the Jetsons theme song.
-- ComputerBob, 1997

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. Followed by 2,639,999 more.
-- ComputerBob, 2007

If you would like a transcript of this program, write down every word you hear.
-- The Rush Limbaugh radio show

Laziness is the mother of efficiency.
-- ComputerBob, 1992

A strange game. The only winning move is not to play.
-- Joshua (the U.S. Department of Defense supercomputer), in the motion picture, 'WarGames.'

First-rate people hire first-rate people. Second-rate people hire third-rate people.
-- ComputerBob, 1993

I'm addicted to milk. It's like I have a kitty on my back.
-- ComputerBob, 2004

Nearly everyone dreams in black and white because nearly everyone lives in black and white.
-- ComputerBob, 2002

An egotist is someone who is interested more in himself than in me.
-- Ambrose Bierce

If you want only the best, make the best of whatever you've got.
-- ComputerBob, 2004

If everyone in the world always showed everyone else their true feelings, most people would spend most of every day crying.
-- ComputerBob, 2004

Patrick: There's no such thing as customer service any more.
Melissa: I'm IN customer service, so YOU just SHUT UP!
-- Two students in ComputerBob's Intro. to Internet course, February 7, 2001

Grammar are a cultural construct.
-- ComputerBob, 2003

Most of what I know about computers, I learned through trial and error — Mostly error.
-- ComputerBob, 1997

Windows 2000 still has several... um... undocumented product features.
-- A Microsoft sales representative, referring to bugs in the new operating system.

It seems that many churches misread the Bible, thinking that it said Be fruitless and divide.
-- ComputerBob, 2003

I wish you'd put your final exam review questions in order by chapter — every time I go to look up something, I end up learning something else!!!
-- One of ComputerBob's students, unintentionally giving the whole class a good laugh, 2000

You can't poison my well without poisoning your own.
-- ComputerBob, 2002

Be-tuz Bob loves me.
-- ComputerBob's goddaughter, Ana, age 2, when her frustrated older sister asked her why she always made so much trouble for her mother and grandmother, but then turned into 'Little Miss Perfect' whenever she was with him.