If Your Child Tells You About Abuse
- Children rarely lie about sexual abuse. Clinical evidence shows that a significant part of healing takes place
when the child tells his or her parents and is believed. Your greatest challenge may be to tolerate what your child tells you and
not convey your own horror about the abuse. Children are very sensitive to and easily overwhelmed by the emotional reactions of
the adults around them. Keep a calm, matter-of-fact tone as you talk to your child.
- Question your child directly to get information to determine
- if the abuse has occurred
- what kind of support your child needs
- to decide what steps to take next to address those needs
- Ask your child to describe what happened using open-ended questions, such as, "Then what happened?" and
"What happened next?" Take notes immediately after to record exactly what your child said and what you said to help your child
elaborate.
- Commend your child for telling you about the experience. Convey your support. A common fear is that he or she
is at fault and responsible for the incident.
- Resolving the child's belief that he or she is responsible may take time and follow-up work, but the parent's initial
attitude is very important. You can say something like, "He is not safe to have around children. I (or we) will figure
out a way to protect you and to keep this person away from other children." Children are never responsible for adults abusing
them.
- If the perpetrator is a family member, expect your child to be interviewed whenever Social Services is
involved.
- If the molestation occurs at school or day care, do not go to the facility to talk about your concern.
Instead, contact the police in the jurisdiction where the abuse occurred. In most cases, expect your child to be interviewed. In
some cases with very young children however, if the perpetrator admits to the offense, it may be possible to avoid the child
interview.
Take Action
Remember that taking action is critical for the welfare of your child and the larger community. If nothing is
done, your child and other children will continue to be at risk. The perpetrator will continue to find victims if no outside
authorities intervene.
.