http://www.ComputerBob.com/abuse/dangerous_myths.php .
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from The Haven of RCS Domestic Violence Center
Don't make the mistake of thinking that domestic violence is a "private" or "family" matter. Last year, 100,000 incidents of domestic violence were reported statewide. Nearly 35% of women being treated in Florida's emergency rooms are there for symptoms related to ongoing abuse. Almost 25% of the absenteeism, low productivity, and employee turnover disurpting the workplace is a direct result of domestic violence. Not getting involved won't make the violence disappear; it only ensures that more victims will suffer.
Instead of asking, "What did she do to make him hit her?" remember that no one has the right to inflict bodily injury upon another. Domestic violence has reached epidemic proportions in Florida. A person is killed by a family member in this state every 36 hours. Last year, 234 people were killed in Florida as a result of domestic violence. Blaming a victim won't save her life -- it only justifies the abuser's behavior.
Instead of asking, "Why doesn't she just leave him?" ask why society condones such acts of violence. Domestic violence refers to a pattern of controlling behavior by one person who has a personal, intimate or familial relationship with another. If a victim tries to leave the relationship, the batterer may feel he has lost control and will often go to great lengths to regain it. Statistics show the threat of violence increases dramatically -- by approximately 70% -- once a woman tries to leave the abusive relationship. For many women, leaving is simply financially unfeasible. Where is a woman supposed to go when she is without economic resources or support from her family and community? The truth is many women are afraid to leave, and for very good reasons. They're afraid for their lives.
Don't make the mistake of thinking you know what a battered woman looks like. Domestic violence occurs within every socioeconomic and demographic group and can result in much more than broken arms and black eyes. Domestic violence may also involve verbal abuse, mental abuse, emotional abuse, sexual abuse, social isolation, or financial dependence. Domestic violence is prevalent throughout our society. One out of four women will be abused during their lives. The only common denominator found among domestic violence victims is their gender -- 95% of domestic violence survivors are women.
Nearly 75% of men who abuse their partners also abuse their children. The batterer may also force the children to witness the abuse, as a means of asserting his control. Domestic violence is a learned behavior that is often passed from one generation to the next. There is a direct link between violence in the home and later criminal behavior. Children who grow up in abusive households are 42% more likely to perpetuate the cycle of violence as adults.
While drugs and alcohol are often used as an excuse for abusive behavior, substance abuse does not cause domestic violence. Batterers will abuse their partners whether they are drunk or sober. Due to a lack of impulse control, substance abuse may increase the severity of violence inflicted when a batterer is under the influence. However, treating the alcoholism -- without treating the violence -- will only result in a sober abuser.
Yes, there is. Domestic violence has been shrouded by a veil of silence for too long. Here is a list, "Five Things To Say That Are Very Helpful To A Victim," compiled by survivors, from Sarah Buel's, "The Dynamics of Family Violence";